Self-Negotiation As The Secret To Goal Achievement

Based in Dubai, Lousin Mehrabi is a successful negotiator, trainer and inspirational speaker. As the Global Head of Negotiation Training for the ADN Group, an international negotiation agency, Mehrabi’s work centers on high stakes negotiations, sales, procurement and more. Most recently, Mehrabi has started the Life Negotiations with Lousin Mehrabi podcast with the goal of helping listeners face everyday life using the tools of negotiation.

Mehrabi joined Negotiate Anything to share why she believes intentional self-negotiation is the secret to goal-achievement.

Identifying the Players

According to Mehrabi, everyone engages in self-negotiation multiple times a day. For example, every morning when the alarm goes off there are usually two internal players fighting for control: the version of you that wants to jump up and start the day and the version that wants to stay warm and cozy in bed.

This same internal struggle can be applied to several personal and professional scenarios where people know exactly what they should do to achieve a desired outcome, yet they struggle with application and follow-through.

This led Mehrabi to wonder, “What if we are not just one person? What if - inside of us - we have all these different parties sitting together at the negotiation table and the one that wins steers our life?”

She argues that there are different personalities, roles and emotions that live within each of us and influence our behavior. An entrepreneur isn’t just an entrepreneur, they may also be a parent, sibling, child or more. The priorities shift from role to role. Similarly, emotions like fear, anger, happiness, joy and love can also influence behavior in a myriad of ways.

To streamline all that’s happening inside the mind, Mehrabi suggests scheduling time to identify the varying roles and emotions that live within yourself. This includes dealing with the need at the root of all emotions and behavior.

“You put the guns down and say, ‘We’re going to have peace, a healthy dose of forgiveness, and we’re going to have a more mature adult relationship with ourselves,’” Mehrabi explained. “Then we will face the world.”


S.C.A.L.E. U.P.

Once these internal roles, emotions and needs have been brought to the surface, the self-negotiation process can begin. Through Mehrabi’s seven-step process, S.C.A.L.E. U.P., listeners learn how to shift from where they are to where they want to be.

As it relates to goal achievement, the first part of the scale-up process focuses heavily on internal reflection (past and future).


Start: Mehrabi encourages listeners to find one thing they can do to begin the process, and just do it.


Assess the situation and ask yourself:

· What is happening?

· Why do I want this?

· Why hasn’t it happened yet?

Acceptance: Put simply, Mehrabi encourages listeners to accept where they are today, remove blame and practice self-forgiveness.

Love: Once you have forgiven yourself and let go of blame, take the bold step towards self-love. If love seems like a stretch – start with liking yourself.


As clearly as possible, spend time picturing your goal achievement.

· What does it look like?

· How does it feel?

· How are you spending your days?

The second part of the process is all about action. There is clarity on the needs and goals, as well as the tactics and behaviors that will support those goals. This is where true movement occurs.


Up: Now that you have the vision, get up and do one thing that advances you towards the goal. This is the largest part of the process as it requires consistency and can take years – which is perfectly okay. During this time, you should be moving toward that goal achievement – even if it means slow, intentional steps.

Pay It Forward: Following the completion of the desired goal, Mehrabi encourages all listeners to ask themselves how they can use their growth and accomplishments to help somebody else.


Getting Started

According to Mehrabi, S.C.A.L.E U.P. starts with self-forgiveness. She encourages individuals to identify three things for which they currently blame themselves.

“Blame is making us sick and depriving us from life energy,” Mehrabi noted, elaborating on the importance of letting go.

Once that blame is out in the open: practice acceptance, let it be, and move forward with renewed goals. From there, she places a particular emphasis on the importance of completing both parts of the process: the preparation (S.C.A.L.E.) and the action (U.P.). The biggest challenge Mehrabi expects listeners to experience self-love.

“Self-love is also the hardest.” Mehrabi shared. “Many people are not there yet.”


Source: Forbes
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